Towels ‘n Crap living up to it’s name

A long time ago I decided that the store Linens ‘n Things would be better called “Towels ‘n Crap,”so I should’ve known better than to have any expectations walking in there.

Who calls a store Linen’s ‘n Things?  And ‘things?’  What was that board meeting like?  Surely it was 1am, everyone was drunk and tired, and the copy went out to the marketing department without a sober executive to stop it.  The guys in marketing were like, “….okay….?” shrugging while faxing it on to the printers who make the signs for the stores.   

The Linens ‘n Things Towels ‘n Crap nearest to where I live is going out of business (surprise?) and has been advertising blow-out sales.  They caught my eye because I’m still settling in my new place and I’m in the market for a big picture for one of my living room walls.

I know that they don’t sell fine art at Towels ‘n Crap.  Wall hangings would fall under the ‘n crap department.  But the small chance of finding a decent picture for a good price was enough to entice me. I walked in and wandered in a big circle looking for some ‘n crap. 

I should’ve known it would be a bust when their blowout sale meant 10% off everything in the store.  Lawn chairs that were normally $79 were ‘marked down’ to $71.  Movin’ ’em out! 

Most of their big pictures were themed around liquor and cafes in Europe.  A faceless man in a pinstripe suit holding a highball glass in one hand and a long umbrella in the other, leaning on a Parisian store front.  A set of women’s legs, crossed and in high heels, her hand holding a martini glass with a green olive in it. 

vintage liquor ads have their place...not in my place

I smiled as I sorted through the paintings.  My other options were wall hangings that said things like “loves me, loves me not.”  Sigh.  None of them would quite go in my living room with the New England folk art hanging on the opposite wall. 

What I’d really like to have is a painting of Robert Frost’s wrinkled hands, penning a poem.  Anyone have one of those…for more than 10% off?



2 Responses to “Towels ‘n Crap living up to it’s name”

  1. 1 Becca
    June 9, 2008 at 7:07 am

    OOOOOHHHHHH!!! That would be ONE COOL deco photograph!!!!

  2. 2 Jennifer
    July 7, 2008 at 8:16 am

    You are too funny! Are you sure you want to be in HR…I think you can really write. I laughed so many times. You’re so right about many things you cited. Some other night I’m definitely going to read more of your posts.

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