05
Apr
08

the perpetual battle imprinted on my kitchen cupboard

When I sit in my livingroom, I look directly at my kitchen cupboards. 

I have a lot of cupboards for a small apartment, which I’m very grateful for.  Most of them are 1/2 empty, and I can’t even reach into the cupboards over the stove and refridgerator.  If you ever were going to hide something from me, just put it above the fridge — I may figure out that it’s up there, but it’ll stay there until YOU get it back down.

There’s one particular cupboard door that’s different than the others. 

It looks back at me. 

See, the universal battle between Good & Evil plays out in a tangible way on my cupboard door.  Evil/Happy cupboard holds my bowls and plates.  Please view Evil/Happy cupboard below:

I noticed this cupboard shortly after moving in here.  Over the past four years Evil/Happy cupboard has watched me do a lot of weird things like ruin the finish on my coffee table by ironing my clothes on it, fixing an old typewriter, and whittling left over pieces of wax from my candles.   It’s seen me accdentially pour hot wax onto my carpet and then cover it up with a chair. 

I’m going to have to bribe the cupboard when I move away — it could expose me as the 5 year old that I really am. It’s watching me write this, right now.

I took a Myers Briggs personality test earlier this week.  1/4 of the questions related to my behavior in social situations — do I introduce others at parties, or am I the one being introduced?  Do I go into a corner and talk to one person at a party, or am I starting up a game for everyone? Do I find being around others “exciting” or “draining?”

[myers+brigg018.jpg]

As an introvert, I find that I’m more myself when I’m alone.  I wouldn’t whittle wax in front of you, unless I was trying to make you laugh at how deranged the little figurines come out.  The best Saturdays for me are time spent alone, cooking a nice meal with a baseball game on in the background. 

It was draining to answer all 144 questions, most of which asked the same things in slightly different ways.  By the end it was depressingly clear to me that I prefer to be ‘scheduled’ instead of spontaneous, and that though I appreciate theory, I practice what’s practical.  When did that happen?  I wasn’t necessarily like that until I moved out on my own.

It’s been my version of survival and a double edged sword.

Like Evil/Happy cupboard, my practical nature has positive and negative faces.  I save money, then I’m paralyzed to spend it on things I’d enjoy but perceive as wasteful. 

Life can be fuller than I’ve been living it.  I pray for the courage to change when I need to.

 

 

 

 

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1 Response to “the perpetual battle imprinted on my kitchen cupboard”


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