Archive for February, 2008

22
Feb
08

sister, forgive me my kidnapping

Because of the nature of my job, I hear a lot of stories.  People explain themselves in job interviews.  Not just the standard stuff, but they’ll go into exactly what happened when they left their last job, who was there, what they said, how they felt.  I find the more ‘buttoned up’ candidates do less of this than the casual candidate, but there is an element of story telling to all interviewing.

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Earlier this week, a man told me the story of how he was fired.  Stop reading now if you’re expecting any sort of professionalism:

“My girlfriend showed up at my job during my lunch break, which was around midnight.  She was as white as a ghost.  “Go to the doctor!” I said to her.  She wouldn’t go by herself.  See, she has lady troubles, if you know what I mean, for like months straight and that night she was hemorrhaging.  Then a guy who works there who also goes to school for nursing walked into the break room, took a look at her and said, “YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!”  I was still on the clock, so I didn’t know what to do.  The nurse-guy was just staring at my girlfriend like he couldn’t believe she wasn’t dead yet.  He said, “JUST GO!  GOOOO!” and was waving his hands around.  So, I clocked out and took her to the hospital.  We were there for like, hours, and they couldn’t find the doctor.  When they did find the doctor, they did a D&C, whatever THAT is and punctured her uterus which was just wonderful.”

Reader, I remind you that this was a job interview.  He said he was fired for leaving work without notifying a manager.  It couldn’t possibly have been from a lack of professionalism since day one… no way. 

His story was like a scene from a Lifetime movie.  I will name it:  Her hemorrhage cost me my job: John’s journey.

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The stories that I hear everyday in a temp agency aren’t all that far from Lifetime movie plots.  Those writers aren’t making ALL of it up.  In fact, I bet that I could charge them for story leads.

Now I reveal an undeniable source of happiness:  The Lifetime Movie Title Generator.

I used it to come up with these titles:

The Kari story: one fetus too many

My mother won’t stop kidnapping me

One disappearance too many: finding Kari

The Kari Story: murdered no more

 I loved my sister’s fetus too much: Kari’s urge

Kari: I woke up slain

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If you want to read more, visit this blog and read up on your favorite Lifetime plots!

16
Feb
08

R.I.P, darling penguin poster

“Well, they can’t run the grinder if the silo isn’t full.  And if the grinder ain’t runnin’, then the Co-Ex and the A.K. are down which means guys lose shifts.  They ain’t too happy about that, if you know what I mean.  There’s a trailer comin’ in tomorrow for the silo, it’s about *#!*&* time.” 

Approximately 50% of my week is spent in a plastics plant.  It’s blue collar world.  In fact, the buildings themselves are blue which I think is appropriate.  No windows except for this one lucky lady who works upstairs and does scheduling.  I went into her office one day and exclaimed, “It’s sunny today?” 

 There were no decorations besides a ratty penguin poster hung during the late 90s in a break area.  The penguins were looking down at a baby penguin.  The caption said “Teamwork builds a stronger future!”

I saw the penguin poster in a trash can today.  It’s possible that one of the guys was on decoration overload and ripped it down in a moment of interior design madness.  There’s something starkly handsome about a bare wall, non?

I’ve spent half of my working hours in this plant for the last two months.  I’m just beginning to understand how the place really works because no one explained anything to me.  This is an actual overhead picture of the grounds with my explanation of what’s important to know:

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It may seem as though I’m taking this lightly, and I am, in order to stay sane.

I do respect what they do and the systems that are in place to get their product out the door.  It’s linear — if everyone does their job and the machines do their job, the trucks are on the road for delivery.  It’s extremely logical.  I’d guess 85% of the workers there are men, and boy is it man world.  They can’t tell you where the nearest nail salon is, but they could tell you how many thousands of pounds of plastic pellets a silo can hold.  Someone actually told me that today…as if I would remember?  It’s the kind of place where I don’t mind being perceived as a bit girly.

In contrast to my taking their facilities lightly, most of them take their jobs extremely seriously.  It’s militant.  And the military rarely thinks that the military or its mission is funny.

Now it’s a Friday night and I’m free from the smell of melting plastic pellets until Monday.  I’m thinking about getting a new penguin poster for the break room, but maybe a penguin in a Marine outfit?  Then I’d be in