Archive for November, 2007

21
Nov
07

most dirty looks happen at night clubs

The dirtiest look that I ever received was in a grocery store parking lot.

I was attempting to park.  A store employee was wandering slowly through the parking lot.  She may have been on “collect the carts” duty, but hadn’t yet reached the carts.  She was standing still in the middle of a big, fat open spot close to the entrance to the store.  Her bright orange vest was hanging messily off one of her shoulders and her unkempt hair laid on top of the orange vest.  It was raining.

I stopped by the empty spot because I wanted to park there.  I put on my blinker, signaling my intentions.  That’s when it happened.  The girl slowly turned her head in my direction…very slowly…and I saw revulsion itself!  Her jaw was open and crooked to one side, her eyes slanted in absolute disgust.  I had never, in all my days, been looked at that way.  It was the combination of the crooked, lax jaw and the lethargic way she turned to see me that did it.  It seemed to say, “If I could demolish you with my eyes, I would.” 

I had one reaction.  I started to laugh and said, “What was that?!” out loud to myself as she unhurriedly slinked off between the other cars in the lot. 

The kicker was that the more I looked at her, I realized that she was mentally disabled.  Knowing that made the experience both more and less funny at the same time.  I haven’t forgotten it. 

 See, I live a pretty simple life.  I have my friends and my family.  I don’t have a ton of friends, but those that I do have I love dearly and keep the drama to a minimum.  No going out to night clubs and building just-for-the-moment relationships that crash and burn.  On TV, most dirty looks happen at night clubs.  No night clubs begets no dirty looks.  See? 

The theory has always worked for me with two exceptions.  The first was the aforementioned grocery store clerk, and the second dirty look I received from a disgruntled employee at our new client company, Pregis.  (See post “losing sleep over bubble wrap”).

Maybe I shouldn’t say disgruntled employee as much as I should just say a “disgruntled.”  I suspect this lady is angry most of the time and simply takes it with her to work.  In any event, she didn’t like what I represented (change) at a meeting we held and apparently glared at me maliciously when I wasn’t looking.  A kindly supervisor let me in on what happened later, and I would’ve rather not known.

But I do know.  In that moment she let all those around us know exactly just what she thought of me.  My usual getting-people-to-like-Kari tricks hadn’t worked on her.  What’s funny is that I had been especially attentive and friendly to this lady because she was so cranky from the start.  I understand that not everyone likes niceness, but come now! 

We weren’t even in a night club.  We were in a yellow meeting room in a plastics plant.

meeting-room-smaller.jpg

(Yes, this is the actual room in question!)

I’m looking forward to seeing her again.  She doesn’t know that I know what she did, so I have every opportunity to keep this relationship clean, at least on my end.  If she is determined to be disgruntled, more power to her.  That takes a lot of energy.  Energy that she could dance off at a night club, maybe? 

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15
Nov
07

losing sleep over bubble wrap

At 4:30am, my bedroom is very quiet.

No traffic outside, no sunlight, no birds this time of year.  Ideal sleeping conditions.

Yet in the utter silence my brain stirs.  I’ve been lying awake by 4:30 each morning for the last week.  It’s not tossing and turning, but more of a creepy motionless fake-sleep.  My eyes are still closed and I refuse to get up to go to the bathroom. 

In my mind though, I am at work.    The voices of my coworkers are mixed with the word “Pregis.”  Over and over, the word Pregis.  Pree gisss.  I must’ve heard that word at least 87 times today and that’s not including how often it appears in my thoughts. 

Pregis is a new client company that we’re working with.  They manufacture plastic packaging equipment like a bazillion types of bubble wrap.  They also produce the thin, foamy protective wrap that electronics are packaged in.  Someone’s gotta make it, right? They take tiny plastic pellets and turn them into useful packaging tools…that consumers quickly discard after using.  But that’s besides the point.

plank2composite.jpg

The reason why Pregis keeps me up at night is that my company will have an on-site office to provide their temp staff.  We’re expected to be on call 24/7 and available at the whim of any frustrated shift supervisor who doesn’t like their workers.  It’s in our contract with them. We have no pre-existing relationship with this company, so we don’t know what to expect. However, they were weighing the pros and cons of creating an account with a local taxi company at a meeting today for the following reason: so that they’ll have a taxi to call in case a night shift worker comes in drunk and needs to be taken home safely.

I believe that it’s happened, even if it’s only once.  I work in staffing…I’m hard to surprise and not very proud of that. 

I know that I will sleep better as time moves on and details are sorted out.  Either that or I’ll sleep better simply because my body will give up on thinking and go comatose. OR MAYBE I should line my mattress with bubble wrap for comfort? 

12
Nov
07

he loves cheeseburgers and asked for one

At the risk and expense of sounding ENTIRELY INSANE I have decided to post what my newest favorite website is.

I trust that I have established some credibility with you readers over the last five months.  Therefore, trust me I will destroy it when I tell you to go to www.icanhascheezburger.com.

Loving cats helps.  A lot.  Cat haters need not click on the above link.

I’m aware that loving a website featuring cat pictures puts me on the fast track to being that old lady who lives with 99 cats in the country.  But this site has made me smile each day since I discovered it sometime last week, so if you’re going to know me, you’re going to have to know about icanhascheezburger. 

It started with Happy Cat.  He loves cheeseburgers and asked for one:

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

For me, it’s the tilted head and open mouth that are so funny.  Happy Cat shows up in different places online, so now that you’ve seen him, you’ll see him everywhere:

Happycat foar presidunt!!you gonna eat that?

I don’t know how the website grew from there, but it surely did.  There are 100+ pages of “lolcat” pictures.  The pictures are accompanied by “lolspeak” captions.  Basically, the authors purposefully misspell and use poor grammar, but the message still comes across clearly. It’s the way cats would speak if they could.

It took me by surprise that I had any patience for “lolspeak.”  I’m particular about language.  Sometimes I correct people while they’re speaking…yes, I’m that girl who corrects your English mid-sentence.  Sorry about that, but if you’re not a lolcat you really shouldn’t be speaking like one. 

Below are my favorite lolcats to date.  Feel free to leave sarcastic comments on this blog entry.  I know I’m asking for it, and I love it:

Babushka cats are in ur box bein, old wimmens

128347380320000000conservativecat.jpgfunny pictures & lolcats - oh hai i just straiten this line k

funny picturesfunny pictures

03
Nov
07

and you thought pumping gas was mundane

Pop the gas cap door.

Unscrew the gas cap.

Pay outside, credit.

Beep!  *dials zero out*

Begin fueling!  Thanks for shopping at Hess Express!  Come inside for our new Texas Toaster breakfast sandwiches!

Welcome to my favorite gas station, Hess.  There are two Hess stations near my home and I drive past at least one of them every day.  How could I resist that green & white sign, the competitive pricing and the Texas Toasters?  (Ew, by the way.  If I’m going to buy a breakfast sandwich, it won’t be from under a heat lamp in a gas station.)  I will, however, pump my gas there.

And it was at a Hess station last night where I saw my breath for the first time since last March.  Make a note: visible breath on November 2nd.  There is no turning back now.  Until next March, my gray smokey breath will be slinking around my head while outside.

I would have liked to be apart of that meeting in Heaven when God decided to make breath visible on cold days. 

Angel Gabriel:  Geez, winter days are pretty depressing in upstate New York.

God:  Well, I’m taking suggestions on how to spice it up so let’s brainstorm! 

Me:  What if humans could snap their fingers and create fire to keep warm?

Angel Gabriel:  Or what if all the snow on the ground spontaneously melts as soon as the temperature hits 33 degrees?

Me:  That would cause floods, Gabe.

Angel Gabriel:  Well, your idea would cause a lot of fires so I had to put them out with floods.

The meeting would go on like that for while before God reigns us in and calls the final shot.  Smokey breath is harmless and can be beautiful when the light hits it just so.  I’ve seen rainbows in it.

It’s mostly carbon dioxide and water vapor.  In an instant the water molecules that have traveled up from my lungs crowd together in a chilly frenzy.  They grab hold of each other by nature, and float away from my mouth and into oblivion as suspended lighter-than-air ice crystals.  As if that isn’t incredible enough, those water molecules may fall back on my head as raindrops someday.  This creation is absolutely astounding and I can’t do anything but humbly accept my place within it with gratitude.

Click!  *gas pump stops*

$36.57

Top off to $37 against manufacturers recommendations

Place pump back onto it’s holder

Screw gas cap back on and close little door

Breath one last frozen, cloudy breath before getting into my warm car and heading home.