Half-Inch Proverbs

 

When I grow up, I’d like to work at the Yogi Tea factory in California.

Though I do like their tea, I LOVE their teabags. Thanks to Yogi Tea, life’s vital proverbs are attached to the thin white string dangling over the edge of my tea cup. I’m astonished a ½ inch piece of paper can even hold such weighty truths! I once learned that “Only the enlightened can lighten” and that “Knowledge flows from within to the river of wisdom.” Tonight’s tea-bag-tag reads “Greatness is measured by your gifts, not your possessions.” Close my eyes and meditate. Drink tea and think about greatness.

What is greatness?

Greatness would be landing a job as a “proverb writer” at Yogi Tea.

Someone must be writing this stuff, and I doubt that it’s Mr. Yogi himself (who has some interesting (confusing?) things to say at http://www.yogitea.com). I’d be interested to know the application process for the position. Hopefully it wouldn’t take much more than an example list of original proverbs to demonstrate your skills. In just 2 minutes I can come up with:

If your hands say yes, then your mind is right
Wisdom is gained when folly fools the fool
Speak last, then whisper, “truth”

Why, thank you Mr Yogi, I’m pleased to accept the position. I’ll move from stinky SGF right away!

Now that I work at Yogi Tea, I must pretend that I actually believe what I’m writing. I sit at a long table with 30 other proverb writers. We don’t talk to each other, but sit wearing togas with hundreds of ½ inch pieces of white paper between us. When we’re inspired, we grab a piece and scribble furiously. Beatrice down there just came up with “Honey and milk are poisons to the greedy.” After groans from the rest of us, Beatrice tosses the paper into The Abyss, where the reject proverbs go. (They must be destroyed, lest life begin to reflect our proverbs). But when we come up with a good one, the author immediately staples it to a thin white string, destined for the tea bag factory. Hi fives all around! We go out for tea after work.

Yes, life could be far worse than writing proverbs for Yogi Tea.